Speak human to human. Underlying every team’s who-did-what confrontation are universal needs such as respect, competence, social status, and autonomy.

Acknowledge these deeper needs for both parties to help create understanding and trust.

Just Like Me.  Even if you don’t see it at first, look for ways the other party is “Just Like Me.”

Examples:

“For me in this conflict, what’s on the table is respect and autonomy.  I wonder what it is for the other party?”

“This person has beliefs, perspectives, and opinions, just like me.”

“This person has hopes, anxieties, and vulnerabilities, just like me.”

“This person has friends, family, and perhaps children who love them, just like me.”

“This person wants to feel respected, appreciated, and competent, just like me.”

“This person wishes for peace, joy, and happiness, just like me.”